Thus Says a Public Servant

I hate the government.

After several years of studying politics and loving the study of politics; after memorizing and going through hours of micro, macro, economic, social, historical, political and comparative analysis of local/municipal, transnational, supranational, international, global, governmental, non-governmental systems - whether academically-required or otherwise; after having a short few moments on the ground, encountering the impoverished and trying to help (which I shall admit was barely enough); after studying the law; after almost losing my equilibrium while studying the law; after having the license to be an advocate of the law; and, after being who I am since I was born... I come to one conclusion, I hate the government.

Our government is flawed logically, systemically, ideationally, functionally, theoretically, historically, actually. We are a democracy. We are a republic. Which means that we're free, we choose, we decide. Oligarchs don't decide for us. Tyrants don't rule us. But between the cracks that could be remedied by sincere practice, slips greed and self-interest. Between great events that should have strengthened our country and defined us as a nation, lies regret for even participating (yes, EDSA II and to a certain extent EDSA I, for not being utilized to its full potential for scrubbing away ALL vestiges of corruption and implanting a solid government that did not 'address' the needs of big players back then, and right now). Behind the silent hope of service for our countrymen, by our countrymen, without the smudge of politics, is growing distrust for non-governmental organizations. Behind the sanctity of every vote cast, lies the lack of faith that it shall be honestly counted. Behind every encounter with an officer of our republic lies the fear of getting way more than what you bargained for.

So there.. I could ramble on about the fact that almost every facet of our democratic process has gone down toilet and would not even see a water-processing facility - it would remain like muck; wasted, disdained, polluted.  But I decided that I cannot sustain literally raising my voice all the time (my psychological make-up is not fit for activism). I do not have the patience to be a full-time academic (because like a child with a deficiency in attention I like to see results right after I build something). So I decided, the only solution left is to join the government, precisely because I hate it. For me, unless you are willing to do something, you have little right to complain. If I cannot participate as an academic to rouse conversation and inspire the 'next-big-thing,' and if I cannot participate on the streets, what to do? I decided to join, and do my job as best as I could and not be corrupt. Fine, its a small thing, this plan. It would probably be irrelevant in the grand order of the universe. But that's the long and short of it.

I am a member of a profession that has the greatest share of jokes about burning in hell. I work in a government that is rated as being more corrupt than almost all of the others. I'm definitely not in this for the money, or for the mere fact that I need to eat and so I need a job, but this is my solution, and every day that I meet people in my exact same profession and employment who are neither corrupt, nor are in it for the money - that's comfort enough for my sanity; it gives me some sort of affirmation that maybe in some strange way, I understand 'public service' correctly.


[image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/celts023/8470736008/]

Such is life

Been out of depression for a couple of days.. And now back down. Can't say I rather that it was not the case (yes was, not is), but the present situation is far from desirable. 

I know why. I've always known why. It's no comfort that I do. Just wish I don't make my own means for comfort all the time.

In other news, been coloring so here

New High-Intensity Interval Exercise: Wall Climbing

How to do this exercise:

1. Climb up and down your wall, doing as many repetitions as possible within thirty seconds

2. Rest for ten seconds

3. Repeat wall climbing for another thirty seconds

4. Repeat until you reach the fifteen-minute mark

Good for the core, back and arms :D

Democracy and Discontent

The greatest and most renowned Greek thinkers that we so love to quote did not approve of democracy. At most, they saw that form of government as a compromise, or an impending reality that they had to face. 

Their critique on democratic rule would cause most of us, if we read their work in their entirety and not just pick up snippets of the catchiest quotes or passages, to relent or be repulsed; especially after considering their programs for government.

We live in a democratic country. We love our freedom. We love the idea of a government of the people. But how long must we watch - yes watch - those we elect for being the best of our peers mutilate and pervert every facet of the democratic process? 

Fine, be angry at the ancient philosophers who had little faith. Oligarchy truly looks or does no better. Look at the oligarchs in robes. 

Fine, monarchy looks no better, 

look at the kings and queens who reside at our nation's palace.

But we should not be too angry at those who disapprove of our democracy to the point that we would be willing to say that the ravenous wolves tearing at the seams do not weaken the fabric of our nation. 

Do not close your eyes and look back at the cave of shadows because the light is blinding. 

Do not turn away and cover your ears because the noise is deafening. 

Do not straighten your back and spew out rhetorics because the truth feels like coal in your mouth.

Never condone violence, but never let go of your discontent. 

Discontent not out of jealousy or greed, but that unshakeable discontent borne out of decades enduring wrongs that should never be written into history to look right.

Get a life so you don't bother about other people's lives just to feel alive.

Litany to the Unknown

I love you though it pains me.
I love you though I stare wide-eyed into the nothingness, because I have no other company but yearning.
I love you though I find emptiness at the edge of reason.
I love you though the well in my heart gets dug deeper and deeper and now as I look down I see only darkness.
I love you although the core of my being screams against impending oblivion.

I love you and I don't know why.
Yet I do and it's a fact;
a state of life;
an essential requisite of existence;
a cause for hope;
a moment of contented forgetfulness.

Give me strength,
I know not what love is.
Let me not bow down as the storm of the unknown 
passes through me and over me. 
I know not what love is,
but I know I love you.

Observations of a Near-Sociopath #3: You are who you are, deal with it… deal it

I've observed that humans put much prime on literature, philosophy, art, and pride themselves with being able to absorb, digest and expel knowledge of ‘art’ and all things ‘high culture.’ At the end of the day, everything is reduced to the ability to make sense of the abstract or to conjure imaginings that are supposed to resonate the ‘truth’ about human existence. Truth be told, a dash of paint on a plain canvas, absent all pretensions, is a dash of paint on a plain canvas. If such is art then a faulty splash of paint by a carpenter, a kindergartner, or an art major with too few units to qualify as an artist is art. On the side of fiction, it could be possible that the proverbial apple is, after all, an apple. A writer already so great in stature might actually wake up one morning, roused from sleep by a nightmare about a coconut falling from a tree, hitting his head, thus killing him, suddenly decides to scribble the said nightmare and die from a completely unrelated reason the next day. After shrines and shrines are built up in his honor, someone might chance upon the scribble and assume that the coconut is not a coconut after all…  it actually concerns an analogy about the cosmos, the big bang, the cave and everything in between… which ultimately serves as a prescience of the said artist’s doom.

Sorry for going through the roundabout route. What I want to say is, after you take out all the b.s. and the suppositions of what things mean and address them for what they are you may realize that things are what they are. Of course, this realization is often unpleasant, thus the resort to fiction and the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘what should be’s.’ If you address who you are, as you are, you can deal with it. The thing is, after you deal with it, having full knowledge of what you are permits you not only to deal with it but to deal it. Not one person has everything. Sure there are some who have quite a lot more of ‘not everything’ compared to someone else, but knowing what’s in your arsenal allows you to utilize that one good thing, or those good things’ full potential. So there, deal with it, then deal it. 

- in a perfect world this disclaimer is probably unnecessary: this is a first-person point of view of a fictitious character -